Overcoming Setbacks to your Confidence.

Question: How do I go about learning to be resilient in the face of failure?

I have many days where I feel like I'm starting to build some semblance of confidence (very little, but better than nothing), but even the slightest mistake seems to knock me back down to square one.  

Clearly, I need to rewire my thinking and stop being so hardon myself (admittedly something I do quite often), but is there more I can do? I appreciate your time and your response. Thank you!

My answer:

Hi <Name>.

Resilience is a big topic, but the best way I can boil it down to a text-friendly answer is:

Be patient, kind, and forgiving of yourself. And remember that progress on anything (especially things like confidence) is never a straight line.

Being hard on yourself while trying to build more confidence or self-esteem is the same as using one hand to try to open a door while you use the other hand to try to close it.

The strongest hand will win, but it's usually impossible to say beforehand which one that is.

And having ups-and-downs when you work on things like confidence is not just normal and natural - but it turns out that it's actually a critical part of our learning experience.

If we never experience difficulty and setbacks when we try to learn something, that means that we didn't actually need to learn it in the first place (because we already knew/had it).

The setbacks are what truly build confidence.

Or, to be more precise, when you show yourself that you can overcome the setbacks you will, over time, start to see and know that you can overcome whatever obstacles come your way. And that is confidence.

Confidence isn't about knowing that you'll always do the right thing. Confidence is about knowing that even when you make a mistake, you'll be able to handle that mistake.

So don't fear your setbacks and mistakes. Instead, look forward to the opportunity to overcome them, because every time you do, you give your growth a boost.

And remember, you don't have to overcome them immediately after they happen. Sometimes it will take days (even weeks if it's really bad) to overcome something problematic. And that's ok too, as long as you don't beat yourself up over it.

When I stopped having unrealistically high expectations of myself and started looking for the opportunity to learn and grow in everything I experienced (both the good and the bad), my personal growth journey became easier, more efficient, and a lot more fun.

I hope this helps!

- TJ

PS: Have you checked out my online courses related to this topic?

‍On Udemy:

• The Secrets of Confidence and Communication
• Create Healthy Self-Esteem From Within Yourself
• Authentic Assertiveness: Next-level communication skills

On LinkedIn:

• Confidence: How to Overcome Self-Doubt, Insecurity, and Fears
• Becoming Assertive: Advocate for Your Interests‍