How Should You Act? Who Should You Be?

So.. Who do you want to be today?

Technically, the answer should always be “myself”, of course.

But which version of yourself?

How do you want to show up? Which role do you want to take? Which experiences do you want to create for yourself and the people around you?

It can be incredibly useful to set an intention for how you want to show up.

When we do, we prime our minds to look for opportunities to live up to that intention.

But few people do this.

Most people simply show up and hope that their circumstances will give them the experiences they want.

They might be going to a party with friends. They might hope that there will be some nice people there that will help them have fun. Maybe that they’ll meet an attractive stranger who will show an interest in them. That the party, the people, and the activities will make it a fun night.

But when that is our attitude, you leave it up to other people and random circumstances to dictate our results.

How different do you think their evening would be if they showed up with the intention of creating what they want? The intention to show their social and outgoing side. Or their curious and attentive side.

Odds are they'd connect with more people more easily. And that they'd feel a sense of accomplishment from it, since they'd know that they created that experience.

How to choose who to be.

Personally, I like influencing my results directly. Because that’s by far the most reliable way to get the experiences I want.

So I set my intentions. I take a little time to think about what kind of experience I want, and which part of my personality is most likely to create those experiences.

Later today, for example, I’m going to a 4th of July party with my American friends. We’ll be bbq’ing, spending time by the pool, and then go see the fireworks somewhere with a lot of strangers.

Today I’d like to laugh. I’d like to have a fun, playful, and silly day with my friends – and whichever interesting strangers we might meet.

So today I want to show up as playful TJ.

That means that I will show up at the party with the intention of having fun in the ways I enjoy having fun.

It might include telling stories, giving flirty compliments, asking silly questions, playing games, and so on. I will keep searching for the fun in everything I do, and when I find something - I'll do it.

And I'll do it whether I'm meeting someone for the first time, or spending time with my wife or our friends.

Meanwhile, on Saturday when I travel to San Francisco to help some friends with a show they’re doing - I’m likely to have a different intention. To show up as a leader that will help get things done, to be professional, to be effective.

At least until the actual show starts and my friends are busy and I’m surrounded by the thousands of people in the audience. At which point I’m more likely to want the experience of adventure and new connections, so I’ll show up as the TJ who likes to create those.

This is not about changing your personality. And it’s not about pretending.

It's about putting your intention and energy into using the parts of your personality that are most likely to get you the experiences you want.

To make your decisions in line with that part of you. To let your decisions about what to do and say come from the part of your personality that’s most likely to create the result you want.

Practice consciously choosing who you want to show up as until it's a habit, and you’ll soon start to have more and more of the experiences you want.