How self-esteem improves your relationships.

Self-esteem is, roughly speaking, defined as how we value and appreciate ourselves.

Those with healthy self-esteem know that their self-esteem is generated from within themselves. Not from external success, status, popularity, looks, or any of these other superficial things. But simply from how much they value themselves as a human being.

And when people start to truly appreciate themselves, to recognize that they are valuable, they won’t just feel good about themselves, but they’ll tend to create better relationships too.

My former client, Amy, experienced this firsthand over the last few months after improving her self-esteem.

She started to notice that when someone behaved in ways that she didn’t like, she couldn’t help but speak up about it. Her newfound appreciation for herself simply made it impossible to accept being treated badly.

So when someone did or said something to her that she didn’t like, she would correct them. She’d do it assertively, respectfully and usually with a smile. And in most cases, people were happy to correct their behavior.

And when they weren’t, Amy realized that if someone didn’t respect her enough to treat her the way she wanted to be treated, then they didn’t respect her enough to deserve a place in her life.

On a follow-up call we did the other day, she told me that:
“It became obvious who was in my life just for the things they could get from me, and who was there because they appreciated me as a person. And now, only those who appreciate me are left, and I’ve never enjoyed my social life more.”

Amy started her journey by doing the internal work needed to improve her self-esteem, and as a side-effect she improved her social life.

But the cool thing about this is that we can also start where she ended up.

By starting to speak up about it when people treat you in ways you dislike, you’ll show yourself (and others) that you value yourself highly enough to do what’s right for you.

This will not just help you create better relationships, but it will tend to improve your self-esteem too. Any action you take that shows your mind that you think that you are worthy of being taken care of, makes you see yourself as more valuable.

So please, start letting people know when they do or say things to you that you don’t like.

Do it with respect, and even with a smile and pleasant tone (if what they did or say wasn’t too bad).

And when you do, notice who respects your requests – and who doesn’t. Those who do not respect you, might not deserve the chance to treat you badly again.

(And, of course, if you want some help with setting boundaries, speaking up, and doing it in the right ways, I talk about all of those things and more in my Authentic Assertiveness course.)