6 Ways to Remember Names (And Why It Matters)

How good are you at remembering names?

If you’re anything like me, remembering names isn’t something that comes naturally.

In fact, despite my profession, I’m terrible at remembering people’s names unless I make a conscious effort to do so.

This is why I was amused when The Wall Street Journal asked to interview me about the importance of using people's names.

When they reached out, I assumed they wanted to discuss the techniques I use and teach to make remembering names easy (after all, they found me via this post), but the interview ended up being more about my personal experience.

Hence, this article was born to make up for it.

So, let's explore my favorite simple but effective techniques for remembering names - starting with why we should use them.

Why should we use people’s names in conversation?

A fascinating 2006 study¹ showed that hearing our name activates parts of our brains related to self-awareness and identity.

And when someone’s self-awareness and sense of identity increases in a conversation, logic dictates that several things are likely to happen:

• They’ll think more deeply about what they say and answer to make sure their answers align with who they see themselves as.
• They’ll feel more connected to the person who used their name since that person triggers a feeling of being “seen” by activating their self-awareness.
• They’ll become more present in the conversation, thanks to being more aware of themselves in the situation rather than just letting their autopilot run the show.

And I doubt I have to tell you why these things can make a huge difference in our ability to communicate and connect with others, right?

"Yes, TJ." "Sounds good, TJ." "I like that, TJ."

That said, please don't overdo it, especially in relatively short conversations.

Saying someone's name every other sentence tends to make them uncomfortable and feel disingenuous.

While there are no absolute rules for this, a good rule of thumb is:

• 1-5 minutes: Twice is usually enough. When we greet each other and when we say goodbye, for example.
• 5-10 minutes: Three to four times, but only when appropriate. Such as if we're purposefully interrupting them, when their name is relevant to what we're saying, or during highlights in the conversation (when we're amused, surprised, or similar).
• 10+ minutes: Feel it out.

So, what helps our brain remember names?

At its very core, memorizing anything - including names - comes down to two things: Repetition and Encoding.

Encoding is the process of committing information to our long-term memory, and there are lots of different types of encoding.

Examples that tend to be relevant for remembering names include:

Emotional encoding.

Emotional encoding is about attaching emotional significance to a piece of information.

In short, it’s easier to remember something we had an emotional reaction to than something that we felt nothing about.

Elaborative encoding.

Elaborative encoding happens when we connect new information to existing knowledge.

Put simply, it’s easier to remember one new thing about something we already know than to remember stand-alone information that is brand new to us.

Associative encoding.

Associative encoding is when we link two new pieces of information together.

If we make an effort during the conversation to link one thing we learn about a person, like their name, with another, like their profession, we are more likely to remember their name later if we remember their profession, and vice versa.

In other words, “Lisa the pilot” can be easier to remember than just “Lisa”.

Multi-sensory encoding.

Multi-sensory encoding involves engaging more than one of our senses when we’re memorizing something.

So, for example, if we read someone’s name in addition to hearing it, we’re far more likely to remember it in the long run.

6 simple techniques for remembering names.

When it comes to memory techniques, I prefer keeping things simple.

Complex techniques - such as creating mnemonics - require a lot of mental energy to do, which we could otherwise spend on the conversation. And they're no more effective than simple ones.

So here are my 6 best tips for remembering names - or any other simple piece of information - about someone:

1. Make sure you actually pay attention when people tell you their names. This might sound overly obvious, but most of us are already thinking about what to say next instead of giving them our full attention when they introduce themselves.
2. Use their name 2-3 times during the first conversation. It’s a good habit to start doing this immediately with something simple like, "Hi Lisa, I’m <yournamehere>!" Then, try to use it once or twice more during the conversation, even if it’s just to say, “It was nice to meet you, Lisa,” when you say goodbye.
3. Create obvious associations when they’re available. Don’t spend any time wracking your brain to do this, but if an obvious association with someone’s name pops up in your mind, strengthen it by focusing on it for a moment - or, if appropriate, say it out loud. “Oh, my sister’s frenemy’s cat has a friend with the same name.”
4. Link their name to something meaningful. Again, don’t work too hard on this, but if you learn something about them that you like, link those pieces of information together. So if Lisa shares your love of animals, think of her as “Lisa, the animal lover”.
5. Replay your favorite parts of your conversation later, using the person’s name. By taking time to think back at the interaction and summarizing parts of it while including the other person’s name, you’re both using repetition and actively encoding it. "I really enjoyed learning about Lisa's work with rescue animals."
6. Whenever it makes sense, read or write down their name. If they’re wearing a name tag, read it. If you’re exchanging contact info, write their name down yourself (or read it when they do, if you already forgot). If their name has multiple common ways of being spelled, ask which is theirs and visualize it. Whatever you can do to engage multiple senses will increase your likelihood of remembering their name later.

Our goal should be to show people that they matter enough to us that we're willing to make an effort - even if we’ve just met them.

Because in the end, that's what using someone's name really communicates - that we see them as important enough to remember. And we never know who might end up mattering to us in the future.

Oh, and click to check out my interview with The Wall Street Journal.

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¹ Carmody DP, Lewis M. Brain activation when hearing one's own and others' names. Brain Res. 2006 Oct 20;1116(1):153-8. doi: 10.1016/j.brainres.2006.07.121. Epub 2006 Sep 7. PMID: 16959226; PMCID: PMC1647299.