Use emotional drivers for deeper conversations.

Many people often get stuck in superficial conversations, and the cause is usually simple: They tend to focus on surface-level topics, which requires both parties to share an interest in those topics for the conversation to be enjoyable.

When learning that someone is a musician, for example, these surface-level topics tend to be things like music, instruments, or being a musician. If they meet a programmer, they might talk about coding, tech, and so on.

And although there's nothing wrong with these conversations when we’re both interested in those topics, there's a far more powerful way to connect with someone that we can use even when we don’t have much of an interest in someone’s surface-level topics.

Focus on people's emotional drivers to deepen conversations.

Emotional drivers are the underlying feelings and desires that drive people to do the things they do. The motivations, inspirations, and emotional reasons behind their surface-level choices and actions.

And this is what I call Genuine Interest conversations.

So if you, for example, meet someone who does ice-sculpting in their free time, a genuine interest conversation isn’t about the ins and outs of shaping ice. 

It’s about the emotional drivers behind their ice-sculpting passion.

It’s about what motivated them to start doing it and what inspires them to keep going. It’s about what they find most rewarding about it and why. About what their favorite ice-sculpting memories are - and why they’re so meaningful to them, and so on.

And these conversations can be immensely enjoyable and deeply connecting even if you hate the cold and have zero interest in the art of sculpting. Because, after all, that’s not really what you’re talking about - you’re talking about the other person and their fundamental human experiences and desires.

And here’s the best part: we all tend to have very similar reasons for doing the things we do - even when our surface-level activities are very different. 

You see, deep down, most humans long for the same fundamental emotional experiences. We just use different tools, methods, or strategies to experience them.

This means that you’re likely to find that you have a lot in common with most people the moment you go beyond surface-level conversations and start exploring underlying motivations and inspirations.

So, a musician and a programmer might discover that one of their shared emotional drivers is a love for creating things that others might enjoy - and getting to watch other people get value or enjoyment from their creations.

And while they might not find it very interesting to talk about the other person’s specific medium (music vs. coding), there’s a good chance that they might connect deeply through a conversation about their love for creation.

And that conversation might include questions like:

• What, specifically, do they enjoy about creating something out of nothing?
• What's their creative process like? How do they come up with their ideas?
• What are some of their favorite creative experiences?
• Where does their love for creating come from?
• And so on...

Think of it like discussing traveling: You don't have to talk about specific cities and countries to have an engaging conversation about the experience of exploring new places.

And, of course, like any communication skill, getting good at creating genuine interest conversations can take a bit of practice. 

You'll need to train your creativity and get comfortable looking past the surface-level topics and asking questions that most people might not ask. 

But once you start to master this, you'll discover endless possibilities for creating deeper, more meaningful connections - even with people whose interests seem completely different from your own.

And the best part? 

This skill will help you create genuine connections with a much wider variety of people from almost any field, background, experience, and so on. 

And this diversity of thought and experience isn’t just likely to be interesting - but also very educational and inspiring.